Coercive Control

Published: October 30, 2024

Blog

2024 continues to be a year dominated by the issue of men’s violence against women. At time of writing, the Counting Dead Women Australia project puts the count of murdered women so far this year at 46.

These are the statistics we read about but research shows that violence against women within intimate relationships goes far beyond the headlines. Research shows that, violence perpetuated by intimate partners is almost always underpinned by coercive control (1.) A NSW Government review found that 97% of domestic violence homicides between 2000 and 2022 involved the use of emotional and psychological abuse as a form of coercive control in the lead up (2). So, it seems to me that, while it’s challenging and confronting to look at, it’s well worth shedding some light on this issue.

In 2023 the Australian Government released National Principles to address coercive control (3). The Federal, state and territory governments, through the principles, acknowledged that understanding and responding to coercive control was fundamental to addressing family and domestic violence. In July this year the NSW government introduced legislation making coercive control illegal in that state. So ‘the powers that be’ are recognising this as a significant issue, but would you recognise it if you saw it?

What is coercive control?

Coercive control is a pattern of ongoing, continuous abuse over time and is often covert and difficult to identify. It creates an unequal power dynamic in a relationship and enables one person to exert power over another through fear and control (4). Coercive control can cause extreme harm and, while people of all genders can perpetrate or be victims of coercive control, overwhelmingly it is perpetrated by men, against women (5).

It can occur alongside physical violence, but it is critical to recognise that coercive control is often an extremely harmful feature of a violent relationship long before any physical violence takes place (6).

What does coercive control look like?

The tricky thing about coercive control is that it is insidious and often covert. Individual behaviours, taken in isolation, might not seem significant but they form a very harmful pattern of control. Perpetrators of coercive control often insist on having things their own way, refuse to accept blame, want to be the centre of attention, and are unpredictable (7). Behaviours can include insults, exerting financial control, using sexual coercion, barrages of text messages, gaslighting, isolating the victim from friends and family, depriving the victim of basic everyday needs, monitoring the victim’s online activity (including installing spyware). It can also take the form of closely monitoring or controlling aspects of the victim’s everyday life including where they go, who they see, what they wear, when to be home and when they can sleep (8).

#Notallmen

Working for Women’s Health and Wellbeing Barwon South West, I find myself in conversation about this kind of issue regularly. I often hear comments that no one knows the kind of bloke that would use controlling behaviours, and there is an assumption that it must be a tiny minority. But strong beliefs among men about their right to have control in a relationship might not be as rare as you think. Earlier this year The Man Box report identified that approximately 1 in 5 Australian men believe that a man should have the final say in decision making in a heterosexual relationship and that they should know where their partner is at all times. Certainly not all men with these beliefs about masculinity perpetrate abuse or violence. These beliefs are however strongly linked to the recognised drivers of violence against women (9), and it’s reported that men with a strong adherence to these kinds of beliefs are 5 times more likely to have perpetrated physical violence against a partner (10).

Covert and insidious.

The great challenge with this kind of abuse is that perpetrators often use behaviours that are subtle, insidious and individually tailored. This can make the manipulative and coercive nature of the behaviour difficult to see from outside the relationship (11). And because this abuse does not leave physical scars or bruises, it can go unnoticed or be minimised.

Within a relationship, controlling partners can initially present as very attentive, romantic and charming. This is sometimes referred to as ‘love bombing’ and it is a form of coercive control (12). It’s a tactic used to gain trust and dependence, so the controlling partner quickly becomes the most important person in their partner’s life.

Professor Lisa Aronson Fontes, author of ‘Coercive control: Overcoming coercive control in your intimate relationship,’ describes the progress of a controlling relationship: “over time, she notices that she is becoming isolated from friends and family because her new partner claims so much of her time. If she tries to spend time with others, he objects or makes it difficult, so she ends up living a diminished social life. She begins to silence her opinions because her partner becomes upset easily. She gives in to his decisions because it just doesn’t seem worth disagreeing.”

Often hidden, always harmful

The impacts of coercive control are serious. It can cause immediate and long-term harm, and the effects often compound and escalate over time. Coercive control can affect all aspects of a person’s life, impacting their mental and physical health, relationships, employment and financial security. This kind of abuse can also affect a person’s sense of safety, independence, and self-esteem making them feel trapped, powerless and alone (13).

Some victim survivors of coercive control have described the experience as being like a hostage situation because the abuser’s behaviour can make it feel like it’s impossible to leave. For some people, leaving feels more dangerous than staying and for some, abuse can escalate when they try to leave (14). In some cases, the effect of coercive control is such that women don’t even recognise that they are being abused.

The National Principles acknowledge that attitudes and behaviours and poor understanding of coercive control across our community can lead to minimising, or failing to recognise altogether, the impact of coercive control. This leads to victim-blaming, and in turn can prevent women from seeking help.

Let’s shine a light on coercive control

Unlike NSW, Victorian law does not explicitly criminalise coercive control. Instead, it is addressed through existing family violence laws (15). For the legal system to do its job we first need to be aware of the issue so that we can create an environment where victim survivors feel supported to seek help.

The behaviours that happen within relationships and behind closed doors can escalate with truly devastating effect. I encourage everyone to talk about coercive control with your friends and family. It’s so important that we shine a light on this issue. Bringing it into the open may support women to identify problem behaviours and, when needed, to seek help.